Post by Kick-Start on Jul 11, 2015 22:12:18 GMT
(This is an IC thing, with Kick-Start, former Cassetticon, discussing what happens to Cassetticons who lose their Decks, cus I really wanted to think about that.)
"Do you know what it's like, to be a Cassetticon without a Deck?
I was forged a Cassetticon. So Sonny was my father, my brother, my lover. All at once. Sounds dumb. Or impossible. Or worse, kinky. All that love, all at once. And the Autobots took that away from me and my brothers in one clean slice. Our whole world, erased. Can you imagine it? I could feel my brothers, somewhere. Hammertime. Defrag. Digibyte. Tracker. I didn't know where they were, because we couldn't Sync after the Autobots wiped Sonny's brain.
Some days I wonder. I wonder if even they would have done it, if they'd known what they'd done. Like an ache. Like a sickness. Like a hole. Like death, while living.
How can it be described? There are no words. I could feel it; we all could feel our Sparks... dwindling? Withdrawing? Something like that. You can't imagine how easy it would have been to offline. All I'd have had to do is to decide one night that I didn't want to wake up in the morning. It would have been that easy.
Except I could feel how all five of us wanted that. If any one of us had caved, we all would have given in. When people rely on you... you make yourself keep going. You tell yourself that even if the clouds conceal the sunset, the sun will still rise tomorrow. And eventually you get the hang of waking up in the morning. Living is a habit that dies hard.
By that point, I'd upgraded my frame and I was dancing in that club in Crystal City. Dance or starve. Even in a war the sex industry thrives. Hey, soldiers have free time too.
And then one day out of nowhere, Decepticon Soldiers came in looking for me. And somehow they knew who I was and what I was capable of, and let's skip to the fact that the road of my life changed, and it led here. A Third-In Command of the Decepticon Army, with the closest friends I've had since the homies, and more people who need me than ever, and even a Deck. Well, kind of.
It hurts, and it hurts worse when I lie to myself and pretend otherwise. The hole; the hurt is still there. Some people might say 'You should get over it' or something. I'd say 'try chopping off three of your limbs and see if you're in a hurry to get over that'. But, here I am yet. That's because we kept going for the sake of each other. To prove to each other, for the sake of each other, that every one of us could keep going alone.
And no matter how much it hurts to wake up in the morning with half a Spark, a missing Deck and no Sync or bros, I tell myself that every day will be followed by tomorrow. Today I will do my best for the people I care for.
So that tomorrow I will be here for them."
"Do you know what it's like, to be a Cassetticon without a Deck?
I was forged a Cassetticon. So Sonny was my father, my brother, my lover. All at once. Sounds dumb. Or impossible. Or worse, kinky. All that love, all at once. And the Autobots took that away from me and my brothers in one clean slice. Our whole world, erased. Can you imagine it? I could feel my brothers, somewhere. Hammertime. Defrag. Digibyte. Tracker. I didn't know where they were, because we couldn't Sync after the Autobots wiped Sonny's brain.
Some days I wonder. I wonder if even they would have done it, if they'd known what they'd done. Like an ache. Like a sickness. Like a hole. Like death, while living.
How can it be described? There are no words. I could feel it; we all could feel our Sparks... dwindling? Withdrawing? Something like that. You can't imagine how easy it would have been to offline. All I'd have had to do is to decide one night that I didn't want to wake up in the morning. It would have been that easy.
Except I could feel how all five of us wanted that. If any one of us had caved, we all would have given in. When people rely on you... you make yourself keep going. You tell yourself that even if the clouds conceal the sunset, the sun will still rise tomorrow. And eventually you get the hang of waking up in the morning. Living is a habit that dies hard.
By that point, I'd upgraded my frame and I was dancing in that club in Crystal City. Dance or starve. Even in a war the sex industry thrives. Hey, soldiers have free time too.
And then one day out of nowhere, Decepticon Soldiers came in looking for me. And somehow they knew who I was and what I was capable of, and let's skip to the fact that the road of my life changed, and it led here. A Third-In Command of the Decepticon Army, with the closest friends I've had since the homies, and more people who need me than ever, and even a Deck. Well, kind of.
It hurts, and it hurts worse when I lie to myself and pretend otherwise. The hole; the hurt is still there. Some people might say 'You should get over it' or something. I'd say 'try chopping off three of your limbs and see if you're in a hurry to get over that'. But, here I am yet. That's because we kept going for the sake of each other. To prove to each other, for the sake of each other, that every one of us could keep going alone.
And no matter how much it hurts to wake up in the morning with half a Spark, a missing Deck and no Sync or bros, I tell myself that every day will be followed by tomorrow. Today I will do my best for the people I care for.
So that tomorrow I will be here for them."